I met a bean while out on a walk the other day. He seemed a friendly sort, so I hailed him. I said, “Hail, bean! What do they call you?”
“You can call me Soy,” he said warmly.
“Well met, Soy!” was my old-fashioned reply. “Just what sort of a bean are you, exactly?”
“I dabble in many things,” he replied. “I make oil and meal. If you want to eat me, I’m known as edamame, tempeh, tofu and bean curd, just to name a few. They milk me, make a sauce out of me, and even turn me into nuts. I tell you, you can hardly turn around in a grocery store without finding me somewhere. I’m in ALL THE THINGS.”
It was hard to formulate a reply to this stunning recitation of my new friend’s accomplishments. As I was cogitating, he took advantage of my silence and went on with a different part of his resume.
“And that’s not all,” he proclaimed proudly. “You should see the amazing biodiesel fuel that comes from me! It’s clean, nontoxic, renewable, AND environmentally friendly! Add to that the way I’m used for biocomposite building materials used in furniture, flooring and countertops and you can see that I’m quite the Renaissance Bean.”
Well, if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a braggart. Clearly, Mr. Soy needed to be taken down a peg or two.
“What about,” I said coldly, “the Asian beetles that you knowingly and maliciously harbor amongst your leaves? Guess where they go when you get harvested and go traipsing off gaily to grocery stores and industrial machines? Come to my house and see these wretched creatures creeping around all my lights and brazenly crawling on my walls! I lay the blame for that squarely at your door, yes I do!”
This got his dander up, I’ll tell you. “That is NOT my fault – it’s those blasted aphids that invaded me first and sit like plump pastries on my leaves, luring beetles in by the score for a feast!”
“Oh,” I said somewhat mollified, “I didn’t know that.” But trying to keep the upper hand, I couldn’t resist a parting shot. “You must be doing something to encourage the aphids, or they wouldn’t be coming to your place to party. Get your house in order!”
In retrospect, that was kind of mean of me. I shouldn’t have judged the bean by its aphids.
This has been today’s flight o’ fancy brought to you by lynniebeemuseoday. Make of it what you will.
I’ll probably get beaned for this in the morning.
Lynniebeemuseoday 