Tuesday, May 25, 2021 Vacation Eating

Do I need to explain to you what Vacation Eating is? Whenever I’ve mentioned the phrase to anybody, they nod with understanding, and usually enthusiasm. For those of you who aren’t getting the concept yet, the idea is that when you are on vacation, diets don’t exist. Poof! They’re gone – and in their place is a delightful freedom to eat whatever you want and face the consequences later. It’s a glorious thing.

We were out of town for 10 days recently and for the first time, I was given a supernatural ability to be able to hear my fat cells talking. Usually you just think of them just sort of oozing around, making themselves comfortable wherever they can find a spot. I’d been doing my best to decrease their number last year, using the Lose-It app, so I can’t help but think they were encouraged by this throwing of eating cautions to the wind. I believe I heard their first faint cheer when I told my husband I wasn’t going to log anything on the Lose-It app while we were out of town.

When we arrived at the AirBnB, our son and daughter-in-law hauled in all the food for the long weekend. Four containers of huge breakfast muffins appeared on the counter, the kind I only dream about eating usually. The fat cells began singing an alluring song, that went something like this: “Muffins, muffins, eat some muffins. Eat one early, eat one late, put one on your breakfast plate. One with milk, one with tea, one for you and one for me.” And so on. Who can resist the music of the fat cell Sirens?

But that was just the beginning. A menu had been made by the aforementioned daughter-in-law, she who has the gift of event planning. And what a menu it was! When it came out for display, the fat cells broke into a heart-felt rendition of the Doxology, so great was their joy.

I occasionally tried to put up a tiny bit of resistance to the abundance of foodiness, but the fat cells knew it was just a sham. Each time I indulged in that second helping of the meal, or the ice cream for dessert (with caramel sauce), general cheers and party noises were heard from the ever-growing crowd of fat cells. When the berry crisp came out of the oven, it was like there had been a winning touchdown on the last play of the game, so loud were their shouts of victory.

By the time we left, the population of fat cells had increased so much that I could hear them all the time; what an obnoxious bunch. It no longer sounded like the appealing music of the sirens, it was more like listening to a group of fat guys belching after a meal. As we rolled out of town, I overheard one of them saying to the others, “Uh oh, guys…I think the party is over.” Vacation Eating had come to an end.

I’ll probably delete this in the morning. Muffins, muffins…