Thursday, November 18, 2021 Interview with a Scarecrow

Hello, Mr. Scarecrow. May I ask you a few questions?

Call me Wilfred.

Very good, Mr. Wilfred. How is it you came to be standing out here all by yourself in the cold?

That’s my job. You see other people putting all sorts of autumn decor out in front of their houses – pumpkins and gourds, fall banners, wagons, corn shucks, etc. All that stuff looks nice, but it doesn’t really do anything. It’s just DECOR.

But what do you do?

Isn’t it obvious? I guard the house! I’m the first line of defense! I scare hooligans away!

Why don’t they have you out here all year long then?

I don’t know. The owners of this house are fools, I guess. They’ve had me for over 20 years and I’ve served them faithfully, even though they only use me in the fall. You’d think they could spring for a new hat, too. The hat I had when they hired me blew away and they put this sorry old thing on my head. It’s an embarrassment. I always hope the other scarecrows can’t see me. I just keep a smile on my face and pretend my old hat is up there. That’s the best I can do.

How many hooligans do you think you’ve scared away since you started this job?

I scare away dozens every night, so it’s an astronomical number, I’m sure. I can’t even calculate it. You couldn’t either. Nobody should try – it’s a waste of good brain power.

Do you have a brain?

Rude. Next question, please.

How do you get up when you fall down?

Pet peeve of mine. It’s happened three times already on these windy days and I have to just lay on the ground on my face until one of the homeowners notices and picks me up. I’m starting to think that a pumpkin or two down there might not be a bad idea of they keep me upright.

So decor like pumpkins does serve a purpose?

Minimally. Don’t tell the pumpkins – they’ll get a big head.

Thank you for your time, Mr. Wilfred. Stay upright!

You’re welcome. Bring me a few pumpkins before you go. Thanks.

This has been a bit of silliness with Lynniebeemuseoday. On Thursday. Thursday Silliness.

I’ll probably see if Wilfred can delete this in the morning if he’s not too busy scaring hooligans.