I finished the last painting for the Lazy Artist Initiative yesterday. It has been taking me so long to get around to doing these paintings that I’ve concluded the initiative hasn’t made me less lazy about painting. So this year, the year 2024, my new goal is to do a watercolor painting every week. Starting next week. I’ve been working on honing my time management skills, which should help. And now, the final entry in the LAI Program!
For a friend who is expecting her first baby in April.
I’ve also started working through a book that I got for Christmas:
It was on one of my wish lists, but I didn’t expect anyone to actually get it for me, so it was still a surprise of sorts. The first lesson is “How to draw a cup and saucer.” Keep your expectations low, but here’s my work on it so far:
I might try the Blue & White cup and saucer again – the proportions are a little wonky – but it was fun.
This has been Watercolor (or Artsy) Wednesday with Lynniebeemuseoday.
There are 50 ways to delete this blog post in the morning.
I worked as a secretary for several years in my twenties. Somewhere along the line, the word “secretary” became frowned upon and wordsmiths came up with the term “administrative assistant” to make it sound more accomplished. Bah. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the word secretary, nor is there anything demeaning about the job. I quite liked it. My one superpower when I was in junior high school was typing – I was a veritable wizard at it. I found this comforting in a world where I was at the bottom of the social heap in every other way. It was inevitable that I would gravitate to work that allowed me to exercise this ability of mine.
The first full-time job I had was secretarial work at an insurance company that, among other things, provided malpractice insurance for doctors. I was looking for a job after a life crisis set me back on my heels so hard that I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I had quit college and thought a job would help me get my bearings. I went through an employment agency to get some interviews and was gratified to get two job offers from which to choose. Things were looking up!
You know how it is starting a new job. I was anxious to make a good impression, but to my HORROR, I overslept on the very first day, my alarm having failed me catastrophically. What would they think?! I called in and made my way there as quickly as I could, filled with apologies. From that moment I was determined to make sure they knew that oversleeping was a complete fluke – I assured them it would never happen again. And it didn’t.
I was trained in by the Platonic ideal of secretarial-ness; Verla was her name. Verla was everything that a secretary should be: prompt, efficient, patient, conscientious, and very good at her job. With Verla at the helm, it wasn’t long before I was humming along pretty well in my job. The medical malpractice files were so interesting that I’d sometimes grab a particularly thick and juicy one and spend my lunch hour reading it, making mental notes about which doctors to avoid. One of our doctors lost a lawsuit and I had the task of typing up the check for damages – over twenty million dollars. That sounds like chump change now, but it was quite a heady experience for me, particularly since I was using an actual typewriter (no computers and word-processing programs yet) and there could be no mistakes whatsoever in typing the check.
One of my bosses was a colorful character named Tom, a youngish man in his mid-30’s. Tom was a claims adjuster. He approached me at some point wanting me to do some typing on the side for him – all very hush-hush. He was taking some independent consulting jobs and since he didn’t have his own secretary, he hoped I would do the work without tattling on him. I wasn’t a Christian at the time and had absolutely no compunctions about doing it; in fact I found it kind of exciting to be part of a covert mission. The case he had taken concerned some man who’d had his hand cut off accidentally. Whenever Tom wanted me to type something related to this case, he would approach me surreptitiously and make a cutting motion with one hand over his other wrist – his secret way of letting me know that this was for what he called “the Hand-Off Case.” Cloak and dagger!
Our manager, an older man named John, used to call impromptu meetings once in a while. He’d gather us all in a circle and talk about the the company “bidness.” I was privately very amused by his use of that term, but restrained my mirth. These impromptu meetings were horribly boring, so I had to take my entertainments where I could find them. However, the group meetings were few and far between and for the most part, I found my job very satisfying. I was sad to leave it when I decided to go back to college and finish getting a degree.
One more story needs to be told about my experience while working at the insurance company. A friend of mine found out what building I was working in and had a roommate who was working at the same building. “You two should carpool together,” he enthused, “you’ll save so much on gas!” Sounded good to me, so I called her and set it up. Cue the ominous music. Carpooling with her was a nightmare. She was domineering, impatient, rude and insulting. We took turns driving and she hated the way I drove. If I didn’t step on the gas the millisecond the light turned green, she’d fume and yell, “What are you waiting for?!” Sometimes she’d just make unpleasant tsk-ing sounds and roll her eyes with disgust. If she thought I was going too slow (and she often did), she’d criticize loudly. She would direct me on when to change lanes as if I was new to this whole business of driving. I’m very averse to confrontation, so I bore up under this abuse silently, but inwardly grew more and more angry and frustrated. Upon realizing what things I did that provoked her the most, I began to take a perverse pleasure in doing those things just to get her riled up. You’re correct if you’re thinking this was very passive-aggressive of me.
One day we were waiting at the front of the line at an intersection for the light to turn green. A large utility vehicle was turning left in front of us and seemed not to have quite enough room to make the turn. “Back up! Back up, you stupid idiot!” she yelled at me. I’d had enough. In spite of the fact that she was right, I became obstinate and refused to move. The boom on the truck took down the signal light on the corner and everything came to a halt for a time. I was inwardly stricken at having been a part of causing this, but I didn’t say a word. She verbally abused me all the way to work and that was the last time we drove together. I told her to find her own way home. It needs to be said that in spite of the fact that she was so unpleasant, I’m not proud of how I responded to her. I was immature, dishonest and prideful. If I could go back in time, I’d do things very differently.
This has been true stories with Lynniebeemuseoday.
When the ents in Lord of the Rings decide to have a meeting, they call it an Ent Moot. I noticed that my living room gnomes have gathered, presumably to discuss things that are important to the gnome world, and I have come up with the definitive term for it: a Gnome Gnoggin. Try as you may, I don’t think you can improve on that, but you’re welcome to give it a go. I’ll have to find out why my garden gnome was not invited to the meeting.
The gnomes in our gardens and living rooms are rather cute, but originally these mythical creatures were thought to be more like ugly, ground-dwelling goblins. Nobody really knows when gnomes, as folklore, came into being, but they first appeared in oral traditions of Northern Europe in the 1300’s, where they were thought to live for 400 years and were a merry folk that were industrious, wise and kind. In addition, though friendly to humans, they were known to be secretive and would never divulge the location of their underground burrows. How horrified they must be to know that their modern kin are just lounging around as decor.
Next up: I think it’s only fair that I give an update on how my indoor plants are coming along, the ones I brought in with such hope and optimism last fall. Here’s how the report card looks:
Mint: dead Rosemary: dead Chives: Mostly dead (think Princess Bride)
Basil: Life is a struggle.
Lastly in the musing department, there’s a sheep on my dresser and I’m not sure when it arrived or how long it’s been there. My theory is that I picked it up somewhere while I was cleaning, put it in my pocket, and deposited it on my dresser at the end of the day where it became a weirdly permanent part of the dresser top items. Does this ever happen to you?
This has been Monday Musings with Lynniebeemuseoday.
We shall have to leave Phineas and his river adventure for a moment while we get back to Figgy, as he and his friends continue in their quest to find Fig’s lovely boat, the Lucky Lucy. Colonel Purslane had led them to Clive the Snail Mail deliverer (Clive can deliver!). After some introductions, Colonel Purslane brought Clive up to speed on the need of the hour. At the mention of Phineas Fox, Clive’s eye’s lit up with recognition.
“Ah,” Clive said, “I think I can help you if it concerns Phineas. Just twenty minutes ago I came across Willow Wanderer on my way home and she told me the most diverting story about seeing Phineas in a boat on the river, chasing after something that was floating in front of him. We had ourselves quite a chuckle at Phineas’s expense – apparently, he was running into some turbulence on the “high seas” and was having trouble controlling the boat.” At the memory of hearing this story, Clive couldn’t help laughing again, just picturing it in his mind. Phineas Fox styled himself as a very charming and elegant creature, abounding in confidence and never ruffled or in disarray. Oh yes, the picture of Phineas flailing about in the boat was a satisfying picture, indeed.
Fig Newton was not nearly so amused at this story, however. “My boat! My beautiful little boat! If that fox puts so much as a scratch in it, I’ll let him know what it’s like to incur my wrath!” Fortunately, Fig did not notice the little smiles of those around him. The rest of the group found it hard to imagine a little frog tackling a large fox. But out of kindness, nobody twitted Fig about his self-delusion, and instead nodded sympathetically at his impassioned speech.
Colonel Purslane took charge again, asking Clive which fork of the river Willow had seen Phineas on, so that they might continue pursuing him.
“You’ll find him on the south fork of Broken Oak River,” Clive informed them, but added, “If you’re going to go after him, please do take me along. I’d hate to miss all the excitement. Is there room in your sleigh for me?”
Miss Agra was secretly thrilled to make room for Clive next to her in the sleigh. He had the most enchanting accent and seemed to be a lively and interesting fellow. Off they went with Grimpus the bear following along behind them. Fig was feeling rather tired and Miss Agra said he could sit in her lap, which was awfully nice of her.
When they got to the river, they kept alongside it as best they could, with occasional detours to avoid running into heavy brush. On their way, they caught sight of the squirrel, Mrs. Twig, who seemed to be rather upset about something and was also running alongside the river. Clive advised Colonel Purslane to stop for a moment to inquire whether or not she needed help. Fig fought off a powerful urge of impatience, wanting to complain at this delay (don’t deny it – you’d feel impatient, too!), but he said nothing. Purslane called “Whoa,” to his mice and they pulled up to where Mrs. Twig was.
“I’m in a terrible hurry,” she panted, “What do you want?”
Colonel Purslane offered to give her a ride and although the sleigh was getting rather squeezy by now, they found a way to fit her in. Once they got going again and she caught her breath, she began to tell them what had happened to her babies and how Phineas was attempting to rescue them. Before she could go on, Colonel Purslane interrupted. “What? Do you mean to tell me that the old trickster is actually on an errand of good will? What on earth could have convinced him to do someone else a good turn?”
Mrs. Twig grimaced and said, “I’ll tell you what convinced him – I couldn’t get him to agree to help until I had promised to supply him with two eggs per day for the next four weeks! He’s an incorrigible rascal, but if he saves my babies, I’ll…well, I’ll gladly supply those eggs. I might even make him an honorary uncle to the children. That will certainly help reform his character!”
Fig Newton was surprisingly silent at hearing Mrs. Twig’s story. It had never occurred to him that the dastardly fox might be doing something good with his boat. He should never have stolen it, though! Why didn’t the fox just ask to borrow it? Surely Fig would have been glad to lend it to him for an errand of mercy. Or would he? He reflected with some shame that no matter what story Phineas Fox told him, he might have been unwilling to let go of the Lucky Lucy. It was an uncomfortable realization. Perhaps he had grown too fond of the boat…
Will Phineas find Mrs. Twig’s babies in time? Will the rest of them find him soon? Will Fig Newton lose his temper? All kinds of questions! Stay tuned for the conclusion of this story next week.
The first one is how it looked when I scanned it in to our computer; the second one is a photo just taken with my phone. What a difference! As usual, I copied the watercolor painting from something I saw on Pinterest, but I added the Bible verses.
I’ve kind of reverted to my blog pattern of 2022: Monday Musings, Tuesday True Stories, Watercolor Wednesdays, Thursday Verse Day (poetry) and Fiction Fridays. We’ll see how it goes!
Do you remember Cat Stevens? He showed up in one of my dreams recently as a street performer in Northfield, though I haven’t thought of him for years. I certainly never expected my subconscious to bring him in for a role in the strange stories that play out while I’m asleep. Years ago, when I was in college, I remember having a dream in which Mick Jagger showed up and knew me, which made perfect sense, as things do when you are dreaming.
I read once that it’s not uncommon for people to dream about people that have some sort of leadership role in their lives, from politicians to pastors. I’ve often had pastors show up in my dreams in the context of a church service. In one of those dreams, my husband and I were in charge of communion and things were going awry. I was supposed to be getting the bread ready, but when I went to go find it, all I could find were some old towels. Somebody else had a basket full of beautiful rolls and agreed to let us use them.
Another time I dreamed that I was at some sort of church function, at the end of which we formed into small prayer circles of three people each. When the time came to pray, everyone starting singing this beautiful song “God the Three in One.” Each person in the trio had their own part and everyone sang except me, since I didn’t know it. I listened and marveled at the way everyone’s voices were unique and yet blended perfectly. The whole thing was so trinitarian – groups of three each singing their own part to make one lovely song. How I desperately wanted to remember how to sing that song after I woke up!
On the theme of church dreams, I dreamed once that I had decided to visit some other churches. One church was very informal. The young pastor took time during the church service to explain how they could make more money by selling some sort of apple dessert. He had a large pan and was demonstrating how much space in it should be used for the apple dessert – a much larger portion than previously. When it came to prayer time, he spoke as if addressing someone who needed correction. “We’re unhappy about what’s happened to Mildred, Lord; we’re rather miffed at You…” I laughed about that one so hard when I told my husband about it after waking up.
Good grief! What an odd mind I must have to cobble together such bizarre stories to run amok in the night seasons. I’d love to hear about any of the odd dreams that you’ve had, if you dare share them.
I’m dreaming of a blog post that lost its way and didn’t wake up in the morning.
My husband and I went to two very different gatherings today, but the heart of both was the same.
The first was up in St. Paul where thousands of us gathered to pray and to grieve the loss of so many innocents.
The death toll is staggering and continues to rise in this unseen war where the bodies don’t sprawl out on battlefields, but in rooms where small lives are easily extinguished. We sang “Amazing Grace,”heard rousing speeches, and were sobered to hear that over 12,000 unborn children were killed in 2022 in Minnesota and the preliminary statistics from 2023 suggest that number reached 17,000.
Arise, O LORD, Do not let man prevail; Let the nations be judged in Your sight. Put them in fear, O LORD, That the nations may know themselves to be but men. Psalm 9:19-20
The second gathering was at the pregnancy resource center in our small town where 20-25 of us came together for the same purpose: prayer.
In short (to bring you up to date), Fig Newton, the frog, has gone on an adventure in his boat, the Lucky Lucy. He met a bear named Grimpus who was traveling with a little girl named Miss Agra. Fig made a list of things he wanted to accomplish on his adventures, a plan which was suddenly upended by the theft of his boat by a fox named Phineas. Grimpus, Miss Agra and Fig ran to try to get the boat back, but couldn’t keep up. Stopping to figure out how to proceed, they met up with Colonel Purslane, a hedgehog who promised to help them find Fig’s boat and apprehend the villainous fox. Colonel Purslane suggested they consult with Clive, the snail who delivered the mail. In the meantime, Willow the rabbit caught sight of Phineas going down the river and wondered what he was up to.
For the next part of the story, we actually have to backtrack a little.
Earlier in the day:
Phineas Fox was out for a morning walk on a windy day by the river, thinking about the eggs in Farmer Goodfellow’s hen house. He used to have easy access to the eggs, but the farmer had recently shored up his defenses. My, how Phineas missed those eggs! He never took them all – he was happy to have just a share in Farmer Goodfellow’s largess – and he generally left the hens alone. It was a shock to find himself barred from entrance when he’d been so very considerate. What was the world coming to? He was working through some possible solutions to his problem, when suddenly…
“Help! Oh, help! My babies! Someone please help!!!”
Good gracious, thought Phineas. Who’s making such a din and ruining my cogitations? He peered around a bush to see the offender and beheld the sight of Mrs. Twig, a rather plump-ish squirrel, running around in circles by the riverside. He was about to turn around when she caught sight of him. “Phineas Fox! I never thought I’d be glad to see a rascal like you – come here!”
Well, being called a rascal wasn’t exactly very motivating, but it occurred to Phineas that helping Mrs. Twig with her dilemma might help him with his, so he rushed over. “How might I be of assistance, Mrs. Twig?”
“Oh, it’s terrible, just terrible! I was down here gathering acorns for my darling children when a sudden gust of wind blew their nest right out of the tree and into the river! It’s never happened before – never! The nest landed right side up, thank the Lord, but I can’t possibly get to them and the river current is taking them away! Mr. Twig is away on business, so you’ve got to help me!”
“I’d be happy to offer my services, Mrs. Twig…” Phineas let the sentence dangle meaningfully.
Mrs. Twig’s eyes narrowed and she cried out, “There’s no time to waste then – get going!”
Phineas stayed where he was. “One doesn’t like to put a price on the value of saving your precious progeny, but after all, I’ll have to go to considerable trouble to save them. Isn’t that worth something to you?”
Mrs. Twig chittered furiously as she jumped up and down in frustration. “I should have known. Well, what is it that you want?”
“Do you know Farmer Goodfellow’s henhouse? I’m accustomed to having some of those delicious eggs every day and he has just locked me out,” Phineas said, hoping to evoke a sympathetic response.
“I won’t steal eggs for you, Phineas,” Mrs. Twig said immediately, “but I could probably find a way to get them honestly. I’ll get you two eggs every day for the next week.”
“My dear lady, I don’t care in the least how you get them. But isn’t one week of eggs selling your beautiful children just a little short? I was thinking of a month’s supply.” Oh, he was a smooth operator, that Phineas.
“Fine, four weeks, but no deliveries on Sundays. Will that do?” Mrs. Twig was beside herself with impatience at this infernal dithering.
“Perfectly satisfactory, Mrs. Twig. Ne’er fear – once Phineas Fox is on the job, the job will get done!” And with that pretty little speech, he ran off along the riverside in the direction of the river current.
As Phineas ran, looking for some sign of the squirrel babies in their nest, he was thinking ahead to how he’d rescue them out of the water once he’d found them and was muttering to himself “…I could swim out to them but it will be a messy business trying to get them ashore. If only I had a…” At this point, he stopped, amazed with the workings of Providence. For just as he’d been thinking about a boat, a splendid little boat appeared before him as he rounded a bend in the river.
He stopped short to assess the situation. The boat was occupied by a frog with a dapper hat who appeared to be singing to himself. Why, the fellow was so enamored with his own singing he hadn’t even noticed the squirrel babies drifting by! Phineas considered asking the little soloist for some help, but didn’t want to enter into another round of negotiations. He certainly didn’t intend to share his booty with a frog, no matter how well he sang.
Phineas reached for his bola and began winding it up. “Whump, whump, whump…” and bam! Right on target! The frog was knocked out of the boat and sputtering in the water, not having a clue yet what struck him. Phineas grabbed his bola out of the water, stepped into the boat and began using the oars to propel the boat away. He’d just need to “borrow” the boat for a short time on his errand of mercy, he reasoned to himself, so he really wasn’t doing anything wrong.
“Wait! You can’t take my boat!” the little froggie cried out. Phineas tied his bola sash around his waist and turned to face him. “Allow me to introduce myself – I am Phineas Fox, and although I sincerely regret relieving you of your handsome boat, I am in need of it.” He thought that might resolve things nicely, but the frog appeared to have a different opinion about the transaction and swam toward the boat, probably hoping to take it back. Phineas clipped him on the head with one of the oars – an unfortunate measure, but he couldn’t afford to get into a fight with the scrappy frog. Phineas felt a touch of guilt at this and as he was rowing the boat swiftly downriver around the next bend, he called out, “Oh, by the way, your singing was top notch! I quite enjoyed the concert! Ne’er fear – I’ll return your fine boat to you when I’m done with it!”
Satisfied that he’d made the best of a difficult situation, Phineas pulled at the oars and it wasn’t long before he saw the squirrel nest whirling in circles ahead of him. Oh, this was almost too easy, he thought, hoping it wouldn’t make Mrs. Twig renegotiate the price when she realized how quickly he’d been able to achieve the rescue of her babies. But that was when he saw the rocks ahead and realized the water was becoming more turbulent. Oh, dear!
Our squirrel friend, Mrs. Twig, is now ready for her part in the story about Fig Newton and friends.
Mrs. Twig’s knitted basket is supposed to be filled with knitted acorns. Bah! Why would I knit acorns when I can find some perfectly lovely natural acorns practically right outside my door at the right time of year? Besides, it looked like a lot of bother knitting tiny acorn caps and making tiny wool balls. So her basket is filled with faux acorns until I can find some real ones.
But that’s not Mrs. Twig’s dilemma. For that, you’ll have to stay tuned for the next part of the story. Hopefully tomorrow!
Faux acorns, faux blog posts – all will be deleted in time.
It’s me again, the lazy artist. I had two more people volunteer to be the motivating agents for me to break out the watercolors. That was about 4-5 weeks ago. I recently finished one of those paintings and sent it on and have been thinking about the next one. It’s a good thing I don’t have to make my living doing this.
I began with the idea of a door and sort of went from there. Kind of surprised me what I ended up with, actually. That’s a delightful thing about the creative process – you never know where it may lead.
No admittance except on blog business…in the morning.
Lynniebeemuseoday 