We once listened to a Redwall audiobook narrated by Brian Jacques himself. It turns out he has a quaint Liverpudlian accent, which rendered the word “squirrel” more like “squittel.” Ah, those Brits – they make everything sound better. Back to the topic at hand. When I was a young lass, I had delusions of grandeur about becoming the neighborhood “Dickon,” able to tame critters and have them follow me around. My first attempt was with a baby squirrel. I patiently held food in my hand while the little guy got closer and closer, skittering back now and again in fear, but generally moving in the right direction. Closer, closer…I urged silently. Finally my patience was rewarded. He overcame his fear and began to eat food right out of my hand. Just as I was congratulating myself, he relapsed into fear mode and sank his teeth into my thumb. I yelped in pain and flung my hand out, effectively throwing him across the driveway. My delusions of grandeur had not allowed for the possibility of pain and setbacks (the word “delusions” is instructive here). I was done.

Instinctual fear is hard to overcome – don’t I know it. Although the Bible is sprinkled liberally with “Fear not,” I often relapse into fear mode. I attribute it to delusions of control.

I’ll probably delete this in the morning.