Tuesday, March 23, 2021 Prep Day/Insomnia Bag O’ Tricks

Yesterday was a lost day. I was prepping for a certain procedure which shall remain nameless (hint: involved clear liquids and lots of trips to the bathroom) and amidst all of that sheer funnery, the blog post withered away like a little cloud on a hot summer day.

I had trouble sleeping last night, so I dipped into my usual bag of tricks for achieving that blissful state. No, I don’t count sheep, but most of my techniques amount to about the same thing. It’s all about focusing the mind on something, ideally something repetitive and as mindless as counting sheep. In no particular order, here’s what I keep in my Need-To-Sleep Satchel:

1. Counting backwards from 100 to 1, breathing in and out very slowly as I count. That’s often surprisingly effective, working before I even get back to 75 or so. But sometimes just as I start getting a little woozy with sleep, something jogs me back into being fully awake. I either pick up where I left off, or move onto something else.

2. Another breathing technique that I read about some years ago: breathe in slowly through your nose while counting to 4. Hold it for 7 seconds and then breathe out through your mouth for 8 seconds. The first time I tried that I was pretty skeptical – it seemed kind of gimmicky and stupid…and then I fell asleep. Apparently, there’s an actual physiological thing that happens. And yet, this doesn’t always work either.

3. Scripture memory review. Win, win! I have a bunch of verses memorized that I review regularly and I might start pulling those out of the hat when I’m struggling to focus my mind on something. It’s not necessarily mindless, but it does fall back on something fairly rote, so maybe that’s why it can be effective sometimes.

4. Prayers for others. How sad that this should be a snoozer, but there’s no denying that sometimes when I fire up the prayer list, it sends me off into slumberland.

5. Here’s a relatively new one: I mentally narrate through the last show or movie we watched. It’s weird, but that sometimes does the trick. I start out as if I’m reading the script: “When the movie began, the narrator was talking about people trying to escape Europe during WWII by fleeing to America and how one of the routes out to safety was through Casablanca. We are looking at a map and then it switches to a scene in Casablanca…”. I think this one works if I’m trying to get my mind off of something else that’s keeping me awake.

Last night I debuted a brand new technique. I’m not sure how effective it can be, but it was kind of fun. Do you remember a game called “Grandma’s Suitcase” or “Grandma’s Attic?” We used to play that one in the car. Each person contributes something that they found in Grandma’s Suitcase or Attic and it goes through the alphabet, like so:

“I went up to Grandma’s Attic and found an Awful Alligator.” The next person has to start with the Awful Alligator and add something else, like “Brainy Beagle.” Each person has to remember all of the items that came before, always starting at the beginning. It might have been too fun for me:
Awful Alligator
Brainy Beagle
Cheerful Cheetah
Domineering Dingo
Ersatz Eagle
Flabbergasted Flamingo
Grabby Gorilla
Humble Hummingbird
Ignoble Iguana

I got stuck on “K” – something Koala, but I couldn’t think of a good adjective that started with K.

Ah well, I did get a couple hours of sleep, but with all the interruptions (aforementioned visits to the bathroom), I finally gave up and came downstairs to read.

I had an early appointment, fortunately – “I’ve been through the worst of it and it will all be over soon,” I said to myself after we got to the center Bright and Early. The nurse had gotten me almost ready to go and was about to insert the IV into my arm when she was called out of the room. She came back in with the news that the doctor had just called in sick. I said cheerfully, “That’s awkward!” But inwardly, I was going through something like this:

While this isn’t a procedure one looks forward to, it’s DEFINITELY one that you don’t want to have to do the prep for twice. She ducked out again while I grappled with the various stages of grieving. By the time she came back in, I had leaned into the sovereignty of God and was ready for Plan B, come what may. It turned out that another doctor was willing to squeeze me into his day and he’d do my procedure first.

And lo, it came to pass. That’s how my day has been. How about yours?

I’ll probably delete this in the morning after getting a good night’s sleep, hallelujah!