Thursday, May 14, 2026 Dear Diary…

Dear Diary,

I am sometimes tempted to disable autocorrect on my devices. Today I sent a text to someone: “Thanks for letting us know.” The AI operative on my phone intercepted it and changed it to “Thanks for keeping us know.” I mean, really. If the thing is going to make sweeping changes, couldn’t they at least make sense? A couple years ago, I texted (or so I thought) “I will meet you downtown.” In the delicate hands of autocorrect, it became “I will ferromagnetic.” So close, right? To be fair, I do a lot of swiping to make words, so I’ve no doubt my swiping was subpar that day. But still…ferromagnetic seems a far cry from any letter combinations I was swiping on the keyboard. It evidently couldn’t figure out what I was going for, threw its digital hands in the air, and grabbed for a word in its databanks that might fit. The soulless program cares nothing for meaning.

So why don’t I disable it? Occasionally something strangely beautiful emerges from the tangled web of its programming. A couple days ago I texted “Thanks for letting us know.” This predictable and prosaic phrase became “Thanks dither toaster.” I caught it and corrected the autocorrect before I sent it, but spent some time marveling at that combination of words. It’s very nearly poetic, on par with something from The Jabberwocky. And it made me laugh.

Sigh. I guess I’ll keep using autocorrect. Perhaps someday I’ll be able to cobble together a whimsical poem from its convoluted phrases.

Writing from the Sticky Chair,

Me

I’ll probably ferromagnetic and dither this toaster in the morning.